Some Enchanted Evening

In the last few years, my life has evolved into a new category: single and dating.

It’s an interesting world that has introduced me to a wide range of people all dealing with the same life circumstances—finding someone to love.

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Based on conversations with other singles on this topic, the general consensus is that in trying to meet someone, bars aren’t really a viable option. Church has faded as a reasonable meet-and-greet.  Family doesn’t have a clue and friend-arranged blind dates generally end up as disasters.  As a result, many of my single friends have turned to the only remaining resource for one-to-one connecting—online dating.

For those who have never come close to or eHarmony, let me set the stage. 

 You begin by going to the specific dating site where you register your “screen name”.  That generally takes the better part of a night as you dream up endless pseudo-identities in the hopes that no one will actually recognize you.

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 Next comes the profile information.  This part is rather like going to the doctor and filling out those endless “life history” forms.  Only in this case, people tend to embellish their stories with descriptive phrases like, “young in spirit,” “ready to try new things” and “a few extra pounds”—most of which really mean “old enough to collect social security,” “basically a couch potato” and “could qualify to appear on The Biggest Loser.”

Once   your   profile   of   intimate   personal   information   is   complete, the momentous decision looms—to photograph, or not to photograph?  This is where I would like to pause and address the men who choose to post pictures with their dating profiles.

Gentlemen: Are you serious? I mean, really, do you think women are going to be attracted to some of the images you are posting online? 


Let’s start with those of you who go incognito and wear sunglasses in your photos. Every time I see one of these pictures I wonder why?  Do you think you’re projecting a cool dude image?  An intriguing mystique?

 Here’s a news flash for you:  women want to see a man’s eyes.  So if your photo hides your eyes behind a pair of dark lenses—no matter how cool they may be—there are only a few conclusions a woman can reach. 

One: you’re beady eyed and shiftless. 

Two: you’re trying to hide aging wrinkles. 

Three: it’s the only picture you can find--- in
which case, ask a friend to snap a picture of you,
sans shades.

Which brings me to my next gripe about dating site photos—mirror selfies.

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 While I understand not everyone has a picture suitable for posting, standing in front of a mirror and taking a flash photo of yourself is not the answer. The freaky images that result make most of you appear like ghoulish stalkers. 

 Again, find a friend and have them take a photo on your phone. And for heaven’s sake, if it looks bad on your phone screen, putting it on the World Wide Web won’t make it better.

 And can we talk about those of you who think that posing shirtless will make a woman swoon into your manly arms?  NOTE TO ALL NUDIES:  Unless you have a ripped body, please remain fully clothed.

 Finally, it’s amazing how many men between 50 and 60 only want to meet woman ages 35-to-40 who are thin and blond—especially when these men tend to tip the scales at 20 or more pounds over their ideal weight and sport balding hairstyles. Men, be reasonable about the women who take the time to correspond with you. I realize we are all entitled to the date of our dreams, but take a long hard look in the mirror and acknowledge the reflected reality before dismissing we women who are reaching out in earnest.

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Like I said, the Internet has opened up a whole new world of possibilities for those of us in the single-and-dating crowd. Yet for my nickel, I’m still hoping that some enchanted evening I may see a stranger across a crowded room—not wearing sunglasses, fully clothed and interested in getting to know a real, live, middle-aged woman.