I May Be Old But...

These days I have a saying that I use with my kids and grandkids quite often. “I may be old, but I’m not dead!”
Too graphic?

Maybe, but it definitely drives home my point. While I might be on the far end of the human age spectrum, I’ve got a lot of life, joy, and love left in me. That’s one of the reasons I wrote Money or Love.

As the book tagline details, this novel is about internet dating from the far side of 40. What the story reveals is a blend of real life online dating experiences — -good, bad and dangerous — -along with a heart-warming tale of womenfriends, family, and our never-ending need for love…on every level, at any age.

In writing this book, I drew from my own internet dating experiences, invested time interviewing people about their online dating endeavors, and researched online dating sites. Then I blended it all together in a light-hearted storyline that I hoped would encourage people to look for love at any age, while also being safely aware of the pitfalls of virtual dating.

Recently, the producers of the reality TV shows, The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, announced that this fall they will launch the first The Golden Bachelor Show featuring 71-year old Gerry Turner as the GQ star.

I say it’s about time they turned the spotlight on the boomer generation. We may be older, but we’re not dead! (see…it grows on you!)

I imagine this show will follow The Bachelor/Bachelorette pattern of exotic locations, extravagant dining, and over the top activities. However, I’m pretty sure the relationships among the chosen group of 65-and-over-women, and Mr Turner may be just a bit different from the other shows.

The truth is, reaching this golden-age-range changes the dating game. No doubt, many of us are still looking for love, but our needs, desires, and wants are now defined by different viewpoints.

We’re not looking to marry and start a family. We don’t need to establish professional identities and careers. And we definitely are not in the market for someone to redefine our lives, and how we live them.

Actually, we’re looking to go back to our youth. Not physically, but in the simple ways which, as kids, we made friends and built relationships. Talking, laughing, sharing foods defined as not good for us, listening to music, riding bikes, playing games, and having sleepovers.

All of which brings me to two quotes by the illustrious Katherine Hepburn that pretty much sum up this post.

“I often wonder whether men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.”

“Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get — only with what you are expecting to give — which is everything.”

To Gerry Turner and the bevy of 65-plus women who will worship at his Golden Bachelor altar this fall, I wish you all the best of luck in finding love.

To the rest of America’s Golden Agers, I wish you the desire…and the stamina…to keep looking for love. After all, we may be older, but….yeah….you know.

Why What and How to Write

Since the beginning of the year, I have been working on a new book. As of April, I had only been able to craft six chapters. I literally felt as if I was swimming upstream in trying to clearly envision and create just the right storyline, and the characters to deliver it.

Taking pity on me and trying to help, my daughter messaged me a link to a mid-May online writer's workshop. The thing is, I have never attended a writer's workshop. In fact, I am usually the person teaching such events.

All that aside, there was something about this, my 6th book, that was demanding I do something different. I clicked on the link for the writer's workshop and read the title:

"Why Write, What to Write, and How to Write"

UGH!

I know why I write.

I definitely know what I want to write in this book.

After 40 years as an Op-Ed newspaper columnist, magazine profiler and author of five books, I certainly know how to write.

Then I came to the part of this event that convinced me to sign up.

It was the name of the person teaching the workshop.

The one and only NYTimes Bestseller, Anne Lamott.

While I was pretty sure the content Ms. Lamott would be offering was not ideally suited to my current author's needs, I was equally confident that there would be a moment in the three-hour event in which she would deliver one of her compelling gems of wisdom that would inspire me ---help me navigate back onto a writing path toward a book for readers to enjoy.

As it turned out, Ms. Lamott's gem ended up being something borrowed from a screenwriter friend she identified as, Randy. It was stellar motivation yet surprisingly basic...perhaps what made it so meaningful.

"Tell me a story. Make me care."

That was it.

So simplistic, yet it struck a chord deep within my writer's soul.

I fervently want Anne Lamott....and anyone who reads this book ...to care about the storyline, and the characters I am tasking with delivering it.

So, I am writing again. Still with struggles but also with worthy and encouraging results. In fact yesterday, I crossed over into the author's exalted realm of actually liking this book, this storyline, these characters.

It was a day of celebration, unexpectedly capped off with a package that arrived in the mail. A 25th anniversary edition of Anne Lamott's famed book on writing, Bird by Bird.

Part of the writing workshop was the opportunity to purchase any of Ms. Lamott's books complete with a personal inscription. When I pulled open that envelope and read the words scribed in Anne Lamott's own hand, exclusively for me, I understood that her writer's workshop continues to be exactly what I need, when I need it.
#TheSecretSandCircle

Birthday Joy!

My mother was a twin born on Christmas Day 1926.
She lived for 72 years, 2 months, and 78 days which, for her generation, was a pretty good age.

These days however, people claim that 70 is the new 50. And by those standards mom left us too soon.

 I’ve spent time meandering through these thoughts recently, as in three days I will celebrate my 70th birthday. Amid my ponderings one question has continually kept popping into my mind. "I wonder if I will outlive my mother?"

My wondering was not in a morbid sense. I’m not disturbed by hitting this new decade. I actually feel more positive about life now than I did at 50, and particularly at 60.

I’m in relatively good health, I’m blessed with Irish genetics of hair that's still the original color and skin that resists wrinkles. Sure, I’ve got some sags and bags and can’t remember stuff until I give up trying, but I do my best not to let advancing changes in my body and mind define me.

Instead, I chose joy.

Joy that I live in a home where I am safe and where I can create a space that comforts my being and inspires my creativity.

Joy: that despite starting at the late age of 45, I have been able to build a successful career founded on a variety of jobs as a restaurant manager, Op-Ed Newspaper columnist, legislative media consultant and chief of staff, marketing director for both a medical practice and a retirement community, move-in coordinator for that same retirement community, a weekly talk radio host and a morning drive time co-host, and finally, finally, starting my own events and PR/media business that fills my world with clients that I deeply value and to whom I can bring value.

Joy that I have had more courage than fear in taking risks. Some of those risks didn’t turn out quite the way I imagined---the most disappointing being my candidacy for the NYS Assembly, and my marriages.

Yet the times I risked and won resulted in a wealth of life experiences that still today inspire me to continue risking, no matter my age.

The short list includes my regular commentator/special reporter work at WBFO Radio, my 64 and More year-long interview project that took me nationwide and across the ocean, introducing me to people who changed the landscape of my heart and soul. And of course, there are the vast experiences I have enjoyed over my last twenty years as an author. Writing books have led to some of the greatest rewards of my life and have helped me to realize who I am and what I am meant to do with my story telling ability.

 Joy: that I am blessed with a life filled with love---from people who support my work, friends who make my world a gentler, kinder place, and family who never fail to fill my life with laughter, loving care, and the best hugs in the world.

So this December, as I think about my mother and her Christmas Birthday, and ponder if my life will span beyond her 72 years, I will definitely feel a sense of sadness that she is gone. I will also be grateful for the many joys that have defined my life for the last six decades and look forward to all that is yet to come....for as many days that I am given.