Birthday Joy!

My mother was a twin born on Christmas Day 1926.
She lived for 72 years, 2 months, and 78 days which, for her generation, was a pretty good age.

These days however, people claim that 70 is the new 50. And by those standards mom left us too soon.

 I’ve spent time meandering through these thoughts recently, as in three days I will celebrate my 70th birthday. Amid my ponderings one question has continually kept popping into my mind. "I wonder if I will outlive my mother?"

My wondering was not in a morbid sense. I’m not disturbed by hitting this new decade. I actually feel more positive about life now than I did at 50, and particularly at 60.

I’m in relatively good health, I’m blessed with Irish genetics of hair that's still the original color and skin that resists wrinkles. Sure, I’ve got some sags and bags and can’t remember stuff until I give up trying, but I do my best not to let advancing changes in my body and mind define me.

Instead, I chose joy.

Joy that I live in a home where I am safe and where I can create a space that comforts my being and inspires my creativity.

Joy: that despite starting at the late age of 45, I have been able to build a successful career founded on a variety of jobs as a restaurant manager, Op-Ed Newspaper columnist, legislative media consultant and chief of staff, marketing director for both a medical practice and a retirement community, move-in coordinator for that same retirement community, a weekly talk radio host and a morning drive time co-host, and finally, finally, starting my own events and PR/media business that fills my world with clients that I deeply value and to whom I can bring value.

Joy that I have had more courage than fear in taking risks. Some of those risks didn’t turn out quite the way I imagined---the most disappointing being my candidacy for the NYS Assembly, and my marriages.

Yet the times I risked and won resulted in a wealth of life experiences that still today inspire me to continue risking, no matter my age.

The short list includes my regular commentator/special reporter work at WBFO Radio, my 64 and More year-long interview project that took me nationwide and across the ocean, introducing me to people who changed the landscape of my heart and soul. And of course, there are the vast experiences I have enjoyed over my last twenty years as an author. Writing books have led to some of the greatest rewards of my life and have helped me to realize who I am and what I am meant to do with my story telling ability.

 Joy: that I am blessed with a life filled with love---from people who support my work, friends who make my world a gentler, kinder place, and family who never fail to fill my life with laughter, loving care, and the best hugs in the world.

So this December, as I think about my mother and her Christmas Birthday, and ponder if my life will span beyond her 72 years, I will definitely feel a sense of sadness that she is gone. I will also be grateful for the many joys that have defined my life for the last six decades and look forward to all that is yet to come....for as many days that I am given.

Social Media Hack Mirrors Plot of Money or Love

When preparing to launch Money or Love, Internet Dating From the Far Side of 40, my check list included securing a location (Community Beer Works) and time (October14th 7pm,) planning a menu, and organizing an entertaining program.

When all was in place the only thing left was to promote the launch using my social media sites with more than 5,000 followers. That is until, in a plot twist along the lines of her Money or Love narrative, several of my social media pages were hacked, eliminating half of my audience.

Frustrating?

No doubt. But here’s the irony of the whole messy turn of events.

“The Money or Love storyline is of a man scamming women on internet dating sites by stealing other people’s identities and creating fake profiles. So in a way, If feels as if this hacking of my social media sites brings me full circle in the telling of this story.

However, unlike Money or Love, a Hallmark-style story of family, friendship, and love with a happy ending, the consequences of this hack is that I have lost two of my social media pages and years of content and images, not to mention my diminished ability to market my new book and promote the launch.

After more than a year of publishing delays due to COVID and other circumstances, all I can do now is enlist family, friends, and neighbors to help spread the word and hope to generate my own happy ending.

Money or Love, Internet Dating From the Far Side of 40, is a light-hearted story that unfolds between Halloween and Valentine’s Day and reflects the challenges of internet dating from the far side of 40, and the rewards of finding love at any age.

As part of the book launch event, I have planned a Money or Love Dating Game and am looking for three fun-loving and eligible WNY guys to play along.

Why, you ask?

Because the focus of Money or Love is that whether 19 or 90, we all want someone to share our life and our love, So, why not celebrate that reality with a Money or Love The Dating Game at the launch.?!

For anyone who might be interested, there is a sign-up form on my website where any over-21-and-single guy willing to play for a chance to share lunch with me, can submit his name. Then a committee of people who know me well will choose three contestants.

The night of the launch, I’ll be on one side of a screen and three guys will be on the other. Three questions and answers later, I’ll blindly choose my lunch date.

I’ll admit I was slightly nervous about it before losing my social media pages. Now I’m meditating every day to stay calm as I try to figure out how to reach out to the single men of WNY and hope that three guys step up!”

Tickets for the launch, which include a signed copy of Money or Love, finger foods, a first drink and dessert with coffee and tea, can be purchased at christinaabt.com. Tickets are also available for the launch only, as well as for a livestream of the event.

Anyone interested in participating in The Dating Game can sign up at christinaabt.com.

A portion of the proceeds from the launch and $1 from every book sold will benefit St Luke’s Mission of Mercy in Buffalo, which is featured in Money or Love.

Please help a girl and share, share, share!

Look forward to seeing you on the 14th.

ABOUT

The Value of a Third Grade Education

There is a time between completing the final manuscript of a book and the publishing of that manuscript where I traditionally enter into an author’s zone of self-doubt and anxiety. These days that zone sounds something like this.

”What if no one reads Money or Love?”

”What if they read Money or Love and hate it?”

”What if I never write another book that engages readers and earns reviews like Crown Hill or Beauty & Grace?”

That desolate territory is where I have been languishing for the last few weeks, until an email from my friend, Maureen Purcell, took me on a bit of a life review.

Maureen and I attended Mt St. Mary High School together many years ago. (That is Maureen behind the wheel and me in the backseat.) We recently reconnected via Facebook, yet our alumni friendship is not the place where the two of us most strongly intersect.

For that we have to go back to 1957 and Blessed Sacrament School, in the Town of Tonawanda. There, as a fresh-faced, uniformed, beanie-wearing third grader, I was taught by a funny, kind, and wise woman named Mrs. Dundon… Maureen’s mother.

Marion Dundon was the ultimate teacher, not because of her educational background or degree. Rather, because she was the mother of eight children, five girls and three boys. That experience provided her a full understanding that at the tender age of 6 or 7 years, each one of her third graders were in need of various levels of discipline and equally generous amounts of love.

While I cannot tell you one english, math or science principle I learned in Mrs. Dundon’s classroom, I clearly remember being treated as if I had value and learning that my little voice mattered.

That life lesson came back vividly when Maureen reached out to me after reading one of my Facebook posts on the challenges of producing an error-free book. Her reaction was a generous offer to proof read Money or Love, relying on the expertise she had developed in years of professional corporate writing/copywriting.

I was honored by her offer, but also uncomfortable about responding. There are few people I allow into my pre-publishing inner sanctum of writing and editing. Mostly it is about the amount of trust it takes to let someone read a manuscript to which I have devoted two or more years of my life and a great deal of my heart and soul. When I finally found the courage to explain to Maureen my author’s insecurity, she responded with a reply that is now indelibly inscribed in my being.

”It’s not about critiquing your work, it’s about lifting each other up. We will call it a tribute to my mom. She would be very proud of you.”

Those words took me right back to Mrs. Dundon’s third grade classroom and the lessons of self value and worth she taught me there. They also reminded me of the reasons that I write books…to tell the stories of life that I have experienced and witnessed, as only I can do.

Does that make me an Anne Lamott or an Glennon Doyle? Nope. It makes me a Christina M. Abt, of which there is only one. And, as Mrs. Dundon taught me, my voice matters.

Whether Money or Love becomes a best-seller that Hallmark turns into a movie or an unread door stop at the bottom of the pile, I love this book for the characters that define it and their stories they inspired me to create.

I based those stories on a variety of life experiences I have known or observed and told them with a passion for the telling that has defined me for as long as I can remember. At the end of the day, more than booksales or five-star reviews, that is the true measure of who I am as a storyteller and as an individual.

As I await Maureen’s copy edits, I do so wondering if she will like my latest book. And taking great comfort in the fact that, regardless, she believes her mother is proud of me.

Realizing My Writer's Dream

While I love storytelling and creating characters that touch people's hearts, there is something extra special about being in a room with real people and talking about books, writing, women, wisdom and life.

Today I was invited to speak to the Clarence Contemporary Club, a not for profit philanthropic women's club founded 53 years ago by members of The Clarence Welcome Wagon.

Currently numbering 60 members, these women have fundraised close to $400,000 dollars in support of area charitable and educational activities. Definitely an impressive group.

My assigned speaking topic for this group was based on my first book, Chicken Wing Wisdom. The women wanted to know to acquire it, how to live it and how to share it.

For an hour, I told stories of the 14 women in my book who took their innate senses of wisdom, combined them with food and changed their lives, our community and sometimes even the world.

I then suggested every individual at that luncheon was a CWW Woman, as they have given and continue to give of themselves and their time in volunteering to make a difference throughout Western New York.

Afterwards, the women and I visited as I signed their books and listened to stories they shared about themselves and their lives. Their conversations were so engaging that I was literally unaware that they were purchasing everyone of the thirty copies of my four books I'd brought with me.

Unfazed by my empty table, these supportive women then began placing orders for an additional seven books, with the agreement that I would deliver them by week's end. One kind lady even ordered an advance copy of my newest book, Money or Love, which I promised to hand-deliver when it publishes in May.

While to some authors, 37 books may be a relatively small sale, the support of these women today made me feel like a NY Times Best Selling Author.

Ernest Hemingway once wrote, "“Writing, at its best, is a lonely life." From my experience, there are days, weeks and even months when that statement is true. Yet today. my life as an author was as interactive and validating as any writing dream I ever imagined.

Thank you ladies of The Clarence Contemporary Club for reminding me that I am a writer of talent and a speaker of value. Sorry I didn't get a chance to take pictures with every table. Next time, I promise!

#chickenwingwisdom #crownhill #heartandsoul #beautyandgrace #moneyandlove

Families, Caring and Community

Saturday, December 7th was the last of three coat giveaways in the 24th Annual Colvin Cleaners Coats 4 Kids Campaign. As with the first two distributions (at the Knights of Columbus in Kenmore and the True Bethel Church on Buffalo’s east side), families in many forms came through the doors of the final giveaway held at Buffalo’s west side Belle Center.

Thanks to the generosity of the people of Western New York, The All State Foundation Coats 4 Kids sponsor and  support from WIVB-TV, Towne Square Media and Fidelis Care, everyone who entered the Belle Center in need of warm winter wear went home with freshly cleaned coats, hats, scarves and gloves.

 It’s a humbling experience to undertake a distribution of clothing that most consider a necessity, but many in our community cannot afford. That feeling is doubled during the holiday season, when numerous Western New York families struggle to put food on the table, no less have money for decorations or gifts for their children.

Yet for those on the receiving end of this campaign, their perspective is one of gratitude, as expressed by some of the individuals and families at the Belle Center who shared their stories
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NAOMI
Naomi is focused as she works her way through the racks and tables of winter wear displayed in the Belle Center gymnasium. Some of that focus has been ingrained through her responsibilities as the mother of four kids, ages 4 through 18. Some is due to the fact that she doesn’t feel well and wants to get done. She is searching for warm clothing that will not only protect her children, but that they will hopefully be willing to wear.

Browsing through a table of scarves she notes that she asked her oldest son to accompany her to help choose the family’s outerwear. His response was that he was too tired. Under her breath, she grumbles, “Yeah, I’m tired too.”

 This woman has lived a life that has made her tough. When asked about the pressures of the holidays, Naomi states she will tell her kids that these coats are their Christmas. Any other shopping is not going to happen on their family’s strict budget.

She also clearly declares that she is thankful for the opportunity to obtain the winter wear stacked in her arms and has no problem clothing her family at distributions such as this one. In quiet defiance she adds, “It would be more embarrassing to not have clothes for my children. We mothers do what we have to do and don’t worry about what others think. Other people’s opinions never paid my bills.”

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VANESSA, ILANYA AND ADONI
Vanessa spends hours at The Belle Center, searching through aisles of coats and tables of hats, mittens and scarves. She is thoughtful in her selections but faces challenges in keeping everything together, since throughout the process she carries her three-month old daughter, Ilanya, protectively in her arms.

Vanessa’s husband, Adoni, sits patiently nearby, acknowledging that the clothing his wife is selecting is essential to their surviving Buffalo’s wintry weather.

This family of three is newly arrived in Western New York, having journeyed from the African Republic of Congo. While they prefer not to have their picture taken, they are willing to share the ways in which they are striving to adapt to the local culture and build better lives than are available in their homeland.

They take turns explaining in halting phrases about their greatest obstacle. Adoni holds a master’s degree in Environmental Law from a French University that is not recognized in the United States. While this capable young man has secured gainful employment, it is not at the level or pay scale equal to his education. That reality is causing him to entertain thoughts of returning to the Congo in a year or so, while Vanessa steadfastly states her desire to stay.

She speaks reflectively of her gratitude for the opportunity to choose warm clothes for them all, acknowledging, “It has not been easy to pick up and just leave our homeland to follow the dream of a new life in America.

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DARLENE and GIANNI
One of the most active families at the distribution is one of the most engaging. This group doesn’t follow the practiced pattern of moving through the Belle Center in rank and file order. Rather the adult of the group, clothed in a mint green jacket and a furry white hat, stands like a beacon in the center of the room while six teenagers orbit around her with their selections of coats and scarves for approval or rejection.

Darlene is the woman in charge and the six teens are her grandchildren. She lives in South Buffalo and has custody of four of the grandkids and takes responsibility for the other two. As a woman on a limited income, she has come to the distribution because her grandchildren need winter clothes and she is grateful to be able to get them all good coats and warm gloves.

 In between conferring and ruling on her grandchildren’s selections, Darlene details the ways she manages her family’s situation. She tells her grandkids straight out that they are living on limited funds but makes sure they do a lot of volunteer work together, including caroling at nursing homes during the holidays. She wants them to know what real poverty looks like and to learn to be kind to others, no matter their lot in life.

The longer we chat the more her grandchildren clamor for Darlene’s attention. One in particular is the only girl in the family, Gianni. She’s 15 and attends Emerson Vocational, a name she and Darlene debate for several minutes as the proud grandmother determinedly defines it as a culinary and hospitality school.   

Gianni loves to cook and wants to work in the field. It’s a passion she’s inherited from her grandmother who nourishes her six growing teens with home cooked meals. When asked to describe her grandmother, the young girl beams as she reels off a list of adjectives, “…wonderful, amazing, loving,” the moment made perfect as Darlene leans into her granddaughter and bestows a sweet kiss on her cheek.

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As the final Coats 4 Kids distribution for 2019 winds down with families of all colors, shapes and sizes departing with warm clothes in hand, images of all who came through The Belle Center on this day, those who volunteered and the many who donated and sponsored blend together in providing extra ordinary examples of the meaning of family and caring in our community.

Fear, Courage and the Meaning of Art

"It takes a man with real heart to make beauty out of the stuff that makes us weep.”― Author Clive Barker

In 2016 I embarked on a year-long interview project based on my dream of telling the stories of individuals who had valuable wisdoms for those of us willing to listen and learn.

Since I undertook this video storytelling journey in the year between my 64th an 65th birthdays, I titled the project 64 and More. While the focus was on others, it unexpectedly became my own storytelling odyssey as well.

The project took me across the United States, from New York to Portland, Florida to Michigan, and eventually to The Emerald Isle. The end result was 52 weeks of video stories, divided into Monday through Friday segments of five-to-twelve minutes in length.

I found my subjects in a variety of ways, often through the recommendations of family and friends as well as from complete strangers who heard of my project and wanted to help. One of those “recommenders” was my friend, Patti Huse, from Indianapolis. Patti and I connected 25 years ago through our common devotion to, and ownership of ,Morgan Horses. It was an instant bond that has kept us connected despite the 500 mile distance between our homes.

Early on in my 64 and More adventure Patti messaged that she had an interview suggestion for me. Excited to hear the recommendation of this well-educated, well-read, accomplished woman I immediately called her. Almost as immediately said no to the person she suggested.

My reaction had nothing to do with the person, a man from the Indianapolis area by the name of Frank Grunwald. Rather my negative response related to his story——that of a Holocaust survivor.

My reasoning for rejecting Patti’s suggestion came down to one simple reason. Fear.

I ‘d read The Diary of Anne Frank as an impressionable young girl of the same age. I found it terrifying to follow along Anne’s life path as she and her family stayed hidden away for years, trying to avoid being murdered at the rifle ends of the Nazis. Which, of course, ultimately was exactly what happened.

The lingering after effect of reading that book was that I never again went near anything related to the Holocaust. Yet now, here was one of my most valued friends suggesting I interview a man who lived but did not die at Auschwitz.

Knowing that through my 40- year journalist’s career, my interview process always resulted in my becoming intimately engaged with my subjects, I could not imagine the emotional turmoil this man’s stories would generate within me. Still, I felt an obligation to Patti to consider adding Frank Grunwald to my 64 and More list of interviewees. I told her I would think about it. Her reply was what ultimately inspired me to agree, “I think it would be an important interview for you.”

Frank Grunwald and I met at his home on Tuesday, March 16th—-a day that will forever stand out in my mind. As he welcomed me into his home, he led me to the living room and seated me in close proximity to a sculpture he’d created of a faceless female body. He explained that he’d dedicated the haunting artwork to his mother and brother who were herded to their deaths in the Auschwitz-Birkenau furnaces.

Amid that backdrop Frank and I shared four hours of our lives, interviewing about his family and the horrors of their concentration camp experiences. We talked, we laughed, our eyes welled with tears as Frank led me through his life beginning as a privileged child in Prague, to his family’s banishment to internment and concentration camps and ultimately his liberation by American Soldiers and a reuniting with his father.

At the end of our interview Frank and his lovely wife, Barbara, invited me to share lunch. Afterwards he gave me a tour of his artist’s studio where he had crafted the sculpture, along with other pieces of his artwork. One of those was an evocative drawing of a face, half in light, half in dark., titled, “The Survivor.”

Frank explained that his grandson has artistic talent. To encourage him, when ever he visits he brings art supplies and they draw together. One day as he and his grandson were creating, Frank said that he sketched this face. He continued that he didn’t know who it was, or why he drew it. He then asked my opinion.

Nervous to express myself, I took a deep breath and offered that it appeared to be someone conflicted between the dark and light….good and evil….of life. Emboldened, I added that perhaps it was a subconscious self portrait.

For a few moments, the two of us stood in silence, becoming immersed in the possibilities of the stark image. Then Frank turned to me and asked for my address. A bit startled, I hesitated until he explained that he had created a limited number of reproductions. He wanted to send one to me.

Recently, my grandaughter asked why I had this unusual work of art hanging in my living room. I told her my story about Frank Grunwald and the courage it took him to survive the Holocaust. I added that it also serves as a daily reminder for me to have the courage to do things that scare me, no matter how frightening they may seem.

And for that life wisdom and lesson I am forever grateful to Frank Grunwald and his art.